Ultimate Tips For Naija Living II

V

            Perhaps you think every road user has equal rights to the road, think twice my friend. There is an unwritten law that many road users adhere to, albeit unbeknownst to them. This constitution places pedestrians at the lowest rungs of the ladder when importance on the road is concerned the President sits at the top (see table below). At the higher echelons there are bullion vans, police vans, Fire trucks, vehicles belonging to the military and official convoys. Truth is you may overtake some vehicles but some cars should never be overtaken. Take for instance a General’s official car with a General inside, for safety reasons don’t overtake. No matter how slow they are driving, just endure driving at a healthy distance behind or change route. Hitting a military ride is a big No No. And unless you want to be flogged or driven off the road or maybe shot at on suspicion of being a terrorist don’t overtake any governor’s convoy. You would definitely be killed if you overtake the president’s convoy but thankfully all cars are cleared off the road half an hour or so before the big man comes.

Type of Road User	Recommended Action for Pedestrians	Recommended Actions for Okada/Keke men	Recommended Actions for car drivers
Pedestrian	Do anything (You may greet other pedestrians if you wish)		Honk loud whenever they stray unto the road
Okada	Be very cautious,		Take care to avoid hitting any one of them, their comrades may mobilize and burn your car.
Keke	Be very cautious also
Car	No recommended Action	No recommended Action	Shout them to order whenever they go cross your lane.
Bullion vans	Stay away!
Para military convoy*	So far as they are not Policemen there’s nothing to fear.		You can over take them. They are quite harmless.
Military Convoy	Stay safely away	Stay away from them to avoid getting whipped	Clear!!
Governors Convoy	You may stand still and wave	Don’t go near
President’s Convoy	You may smile and wave	I hate to imagine the repercussions of driving near this convoy in this case. If you ever get the opportunity and you are not a personnel of the convoy, stay away.

Table 1 Showing Recommended Road behavior for Road User


                                                                       VI

Just in case you happen to land in a police case. Advice for you is this: do whatever is necessary not to be taken to the police station. It is said that you are to make every effort to settle with your adversary (in this case the lawmen) before you are taken to the Judge. There is a heavy burden on young males between the ages of 17-35. The perpetrators of most crimes fall into this demographic group. If you fall into this group you are not innocent anymore until proven otherwise. For instance you could be taking a late night stroll with your friend and you could be easily rounded up for any flimsy reason, say for example late night wandering. So in a hypothetical scenario as painted above, necessary actions ought to be taken.  These necessary actions may include but are not limited to:

Begging: This hardly moves any policeman, however is very helpful when combined with other actions)

Bluffing: Claim to be a soldier’s son, or a soldier. Better still, sound like a lawyer. Have a plan B if you think the cops intend to call your bluff. If you are no stranger to police trouble don’t attempt bluffing.

Escape: Should the chances be good, evade arrest in the first place. Run away if the heat isn’t too much yet and if the police are not armed. A note of warning though, If you attempt escape and you are caught it’s a different ball game altogether.

Allow yourself to be extorted from: Sometimes this is the easiest way to unhook yourself from wahala, I frown upon it due to its ethical concerns. If you must employ this action you are encouraged to discreetly tape it and subsequently publish it.

Example of combination of Recommended Actions to take after being Picked Up

Beg   à beg some more   à   allow yourself to be extorted from   à  you are let free

Or

Bluff      à     Bluff   à  Beg   à  Escape

Note: if these fail to get you off the hook, just arrange someone to come with bail money (bail is never free) and brace up for torment and forfeiture of a dozen of your human rights.

Most importantly, maintaining a good character and not hanging out with bad guys would get you out of Police trouble but most times but whenever you get into the trouble you have these to fall upon.