The Real Me

The days are really evil + a lot of unthinkable things go on everyday. A lot of fakers and impersonators abound. Do not be surprised when you discover there is a clone of me roaming about somewhere claiming to be me after maybe abducting me and hiding me in a bunker and squandering my good name on nefarious activities. Take it with a pinch of salt sha, but shey you know that a lot of crazy stuff goes down on this our planet?

That's by the way anyways. I just collated a list of traits that will mark the original me from any imposter. These are habits that are unique to the real me. They are low level anyway, you didn't think I will be exposing top secrets traits and straight-to-the-point identifying markings here did you?

Phonetics and Accent: The real me speaks with a Nigerian accent (the Lafia version of it), there is no fake American accent anywhere on my tongue. I do not do phonè  at all. In addition to these I speak with a slightly noticeable drawl. So the day you jam me speaking in a fake accent, quietly raise alarm 'cause an imposter is with you. And please after raising alarm commence operations to rescue me.
Exceptions:
1. I am acting a movie
2. ...?
See, that fake accent ish isn't just my style.

Greeting: The standard greetings are "Good morning", "Good afternoon" and "Good evening", but the most common used by the real me are "How you dey?" and "How you doing?". I rarely use "Hi" or "Hello". Always note "How you dey?" and "How you doing?", they both mean the same thing and I use them daily and constantly.
Exceptions:
1. When I greet my parents ( You don't expect me to tell my dad "How you dey?" Sounds rude)
2. When am chatting up pretty ladies (Rare).

#%&¢π¶!!!!: I do not use F words. Nor do I speak in a vile or uncouth manner. There are no exceptions.

Small Talk: Small talk is something I rarely partake in. Not that am a snub or am introverted or am full of myself. Nahhh, I just don't feel the thing. Small talk with strangers or people who are not my friends usually gives me a hard time. However, I try to hold a good conversation whenever am engaged in small talk. However I sometimes make exceptions and delve Into small talk, especially when:
1. Football is the topic
2. You belong to my age group and you are talking about Nigerian politics.
3. You are mentioning the facts all wrong.
4. There is a fine mademoiselle sitting next to me in a bus on a long trip.
5. Am so so bored I'll rather engage in small talk than continue being bored.
6. I am all out for mischief.

Am not done yet, stay tuned for the concluding part of this piece. I have a test to prepare for, and am sleepy.